‘Don’t know what to do.’ ‘I’m here if you need me’ ‘Need to put the kids first’ ‘True but remember I’m here anytime anywhere x’ ‘Thanks. Will know more tonight. Bye for now x’ ‘I love you Sandie xx’ I couldn’t bring myself to tell Paul that I loved him too but the pain I felt in not doing so told me I was in love with him and badly too. * I tried hard to concentrate on my work all day, which did help distract me, but when we were all home that evening the tension in the air was palpable. Eventually the kids finished their homework and went for an hour’s TV before bed so Tom and I could talk with the kitchen door closed and locked of course. The outcome of the many bad words, hurt expressions and even more tearful outbursts from both of us was that we decided we would try to put it behind us, forgive each other and stay together. Tom promised he would end things with Lisa straight away. I agreed I wouldn’t see Paul again. This reduced both Paul and me to tears when I called to tell. “You? We talked about this.”“Yes, we did. But you STILL haven’t told me one way or the other what you want! I gave you time, but it doesn’t appear that you’ve done anything with that time except let it drag on and on. What do you want, Steve? What?”“I don’t know,” I said, dejectedly. “That’s the problem. I just don’t know.”“And you expect girls to just wait for you? Just put everything in their lives on hold for you? How selfish is THAT?”“But if I’m honest with them, don’t they have to make their own decisions? How can I be responsible for what other people do?”“You aren’t,” Karin said. “BUT, if you don’t tell them the absolute truth, or you couch your words to make things seem possible that aren’t, then you aren’t being honest.”“You know, you never told me what you wanted. You still haven’t,” I said.She laughed, “You have to be the densest person on the planet. You’re dense even for a guy! They could use you to shield nuclear reactors you’re so dense!”“What are you talking about?” I.
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